Thursday, April 7, 2011

A Good Friend, A Decent Friend;

I am not a "need to have" friend.

All of my life, I have known people who have been one of two things: The people who are aloof and self-reliant. They do not need to have other people in their lives for the most part, and they are unconcerned with what others around them are doing. They are able to live their lives in their own spheres without being affected by the actions of others. The other type of person needs to have the approval of others constantly. They need to have the attention and the love of others as a method of dealing with life.

With the two types of people that I have known, there has always been one similarity. Both have that one person that they need to have the love and approval of to feel happy or comfortable. Even the people who dedicate their lives to being on their own and living happily in their individual bubbles need at least one person to love them in order to feel complete.

I have never been that one person to someone. I am a good friend and a loving friend, but I am never that friend that is constantly sought after. I haven't ever been that "one" person in a life where my input and presence makes an astounding difference. For a long time as a child, I felt as if I was a "back-up" friend - you know, the one who you call when everyone else is busy, or the one that you hang out with because they are so desperate for a little bit of attention. As I grew older, this changed, but not very much. I am a good friend. A decent friend. But never THAT friend to someone.

I don't know if it is something about my nature, or something about the world. Maybe it is because at times I fit into both categories. I need people desperately or I do not need anyone at all. Maybe I have become too unapproachable to become the everything to one person.

I don't know if this is a bad thing, just yet. I don't know if there is something wrong with me, or if there is really nothing wrong. Whatever category I fit into just doesn't seem to fit with the image I have created in my head.

I know that I am a good friend. I know that I am a decent friend. But sometimes, I don't know if that is enough.

1 comment: