Thursday, March 10, 2011

In Vein;

I have only had surgery twice in my life.

Well, actual surgery where you need to be put to sleep. I had it two years ago for a cyst removal, and I had it yesterday for wisdom tooth extraction. Both times, I woke up and I began to cry immediately. I don't know exactly why this happened, and I can't seem to remember what my thoughts were when I first came out of the haze.

I think this is the most frustrating part about being "put to sleep". I have been trying all day to remember what was going through my head when I first woke up, only to realize that I can't even remember falling asleep. This is the scariest thought in the world for me. I can't believe that there is something that can completely take over my senses to the point where I cannot even remember what has happened. Even in my drunkest moments, I am usually able to remember at least small details about what I did or said. All that I remember from yesterday was the small prick, and the doctor telling me that they were going to start the anesthesia. I remember him asking me if I had written a note for them on my arm. I looked down, and I had written "don't eat or drink anything" for myself in order to not break the rules. After that, I don't remember anything.

I hate that. I hate not knowing what happened. Falling asleep and waking with no understanding and the most intense pain where my teeth used to be.

There probably isn't anything scarier in the world, to me.

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